A Social Media Party Guide: Wallflower to Swinger in 6 Stages

It seems to me that if you can learn how to be the life of the party, you can learn how to work the social media scene. Let’s think of it as a party then, and do a run down of how it would work out.

Stage One: You Go to the Party

If you’re smart, you’ll be invited, or better yet, throw the party. The party of course, meaning the place where you socially interact in the social media arena.

On a social news site, the party might get started when you submit a link, or a party in progress might be a story you vote on that’s rising in popularity.

Stage Two: You Find the People Who Like
What You Like

As Rob Gordon says in High Fidelity, “What really matters is what you like, not what you are like.” So find the people who have the same tastes as you, follow what they’re voting for, or saving, or where they’re hanging out.

One safe basis of friendship is commonalities.

Stage Three: You Mirror and Create Rapport

You know how you meet someone knew and start picking up their expressions, etc. When you’re meeting people online, we also tend to try on aspects of other people’s behavior. You’ll suggest things to each other, or catch yourself imitating one of the Alpha Populars.

There’s actually a scientific background to this. In Unlimited Power, Anthony Robbins talks about how to use rapport to build connections to other people.

Stage Four: You Make a Gesture

Eventually, you’ll start to drill down to your favorite folks, and in natural course, do something for them. It’s partially the paying of an imagined social debt – when people enrich our lives by sharing information we enjoy, we often feel like reciprocating.

That’s one of the reasons the free ebook still works so well to get newsletter sign-ups. (It’s email that’s failed, not the email marketing techniques. But I digress.)

Stage Five: The Gesture is Appreciated,
or Even Reciprocated

When you get feedback from shared links, when you are thanked for your gesture, or the person you hooked up does you some kind of solid back, you’ve definitely got the basis for a relationship.

It’s a two-way street.

Stage Six: You Are Friends

At least in the online sense of the phrase. This is the time when you can send a link out of the blue even if you haven’t spoken in a few days.

But remember the most important part of a relationship is maintaining it. Don’t take this new connection for granted, and keep doing the thing that made you become familiar to each other in the first place.