More on Ego Boundaries and Social Media

Matt Williams asked a good question about Ego Boundaries.

What is ego boundaries, and when do you know that you have crossed them?

Here’s my answer, Matt.

photo credit: yummyporky

Learning about the ego is directly related to how we socialize. And socializing online is integral, of course, to social media. So I’ll answer your ego boundary question first, then talk for a sec about how that relates back to when you to check yours in the context of social media.

First, an aside:

I wish I had discovered a lot more about the ego sooner than I did, too. Actually I take that back, because I knew about the issue of the ego, but then I let my ego keep me from learning more. It’s a constant struggle – but it’s one that you struggle less with over time.

Anyway, to answer your question about ego boundaries – I’m no psychologist but here goes. The ego is the self we think we are. So the ego boundary is edge of that false self that tells us, this is me, and everything else is not me.

The reason ego boundaries are important is because they frame our fundamental sense of reality, and how we play the game of life.

When you have an ego that is out of control, or that you overly identify with, you have a tendency to be hyper-protective and threatened by anything that breaches the boundary between the inner voice and the outside world. What we fail to realize is that that inner voice is not really you, but the fact that you think it is you gives it power to be the one running your life.

If you’re a person who feels helplessly under the control of certain emotions, or can’t seem to make certain good decisions even though on a conscious level you Know that what you’re about to do is bad for you, that’s a sign that your ego is in control.

When you have your ego under your control, you can master anything because you can operate beyond those specifications.

For example, “winning” the game of life for a person caught up in their ego is more about protecting and promoting the self we think we are, our egos. But when we understand that we’re not our egos, “winning” the game is about enhancing the life experience of our actual self, which by virtue of discovering the ego, we no longer see as separate from the rest of the world.

Therefore there is nothing to protect – because there is nothing to fear.

There’s nothing that is not under our control to some degree, and at the same time, because of that we don’t need the control. The point becomes experience and mastery, rather than protection of our false sense of identity security.

In social media, you don’t necessarily want to guard against crossing the ego boundary. A peaceful crossing is arguably a good thing. If you’re still in the early stages of dealing with your own ego or having trouble with it getting in the way of your higher purpose, then you want to properly manage it.

You can mostly tell when you’re being overprotective of your ego when you find yourself fighting with yourself over your new objective of being more sharing.

If you’re constantly thinking about whether or not you’ll get enough credit, or thinking it’s a waste of your time or resources to share items, or you become obsessed with when your contribution is going to come back to you in terms of traffic, chances are your ego is becoming a problem.

Now, the ego, in my opinion, isn’t to be completely conquered and decimated. There are good things about having an ego – we just need to stop Identifying the ego as our true selves. Then we stop putting our need to protect our ego above meeting objectives that are for our own good.

When using social media, we have a tendency to think more about how each action will directly result in traffic, rather than taking a long term view of how the situation will benefit us. It’s the reason why so many people only participate when it benefits them directly, or think it’s a waste of resources to cultivate relationships with others through sharing. That fear that what you put in won’t come back to you in some way is all ego.

If you’ve dealt with your ego, it doesn’t matter if it does or not. And, ironically, it increases the likelihood that your efforts will be rewarded with attention dramatically.