It’s been almost a month since I posted here to follow up my message that I am, in fact, back from full sabbatical to at least banker’s hours. And those of you who have spoken to me in that time know that I’m back on a half schedule. Who knows why I thought I could just pick up where I left off. There were several circumstances that made me see that this wasn’t going to be the case.
But you know, life happens when you’re busy trying to get things done.
I’ve been sitting here typing and backspacing for ten minutes trying to figure out how to phrase the fact that my mother’s father has passed on, one of the two only grandparents I knew in life. It’s such a blessing to live to see your grandfather witness his great-grandchild (my niece). Such agony to know that you have to let him go. Hard to watch what your mother has to go through and all the complications that go with our particular family history. Harder to imagine yourself going through the same one day.
And I would normally work through this kind of crisis, but I got knocked on my behind with the flu.
Would you believe I spent the whole of Thursday thinking it was Wednesday? Never minding that was the first day I’ve spent fully conscious since Friday. Now that is a flu.
But I believe everything happens for a reason. And the reason was that I have to s l o w down. I can’t be all things to all people, and I can only do what I can do, or what I can hire someone else to do. That’s it. I’m not a superwoman and I promise that I’m going to stop trying to be one.
Normally I’d be really anxious about the fact that I’m a week behind being six weeks behind, if that makes sense. (Essentially that means I have six weeks of backed up email and tasks in my Inbox and six weeks of things that happened while I was on my semi-break to contend with – and that I meant to start going through all of that a week ago today.) And even as I cough my way through typing this up on my keyboard, I’m seeing everything with a clarity I didn’t have before.
Not one single happy circumstance of my life worked out even nearly as I planned. Really, everything is working out due to some design higher than mine.
So this note to you is primarily just me tipping my hat as I walk (okay, crawl) over to my desk and get myself back on track. I’ve done pretty well at meeting all my obligations but one that I said I’d have done by the end of February. And I realize now that the only person that arbitrary date that I pulled out of my behind matters to is me.
Therefore, secondarily this is a public promise to myself and the world that I’m no longer running everywhere at full speed. I’m going to stop and plant some roses, with roots. We only live once – and those that we enjoy the most are the ones who stopped to enjoy us.
High five and movin on…
