Bing.

Where do I even start?

I mean, as we know, though I used to love Google, I’m not exactly enamored of them now. My feelings about Google are mostly – they’ll do until something better comes along.

And I actually hope that they will be that something better. I’ve seen a bit of hope for that.

But we’ll talk about that later.

I don’t hate Microsoft, just as a preface. (With the exception of Microsoft Windows Explorer, which I hate with a passion.)

There are some Microsoft products I simply adore, if for no other reason than the fact that I owed my entire IT career at the International Monetary Fund, and later, the MGM Mirage to them. Outlook was my first email love, and I’d pay a fortune to have it run natively on a Mac. (MS Entourage me no likey.)

So, Microsoft and I are at minimum, cordial, and some days downright sweethearts.

But I’m not a fan of Bing. No, sir.

I especially didn’t dig them acting like they were hot shit, and so much better than Google when they’re advertising on Google for traffic.

WTF? Have you NO pride?

And I really find the offline marketing plan is moronic, and feel like it assumes that I’m a moron. I despise those commercials with the whole search overload nonsense.

Then again, I’ve always thought any advertising program that puts the emphasis on how bad the other guy is, tragically stupid. Why should I go with you because the other guy is bad? How do I know you’re even 1% better if you barely talk about yourself? How about selling me what’s great about your car instead of what’s bad about the other guy?

Smear campaigns often backfire simply because you are putting your competitor in the mind of your prospect. Classic 1.0 mistake. Bing might as well just mimeograph me a memo that they’re completely obsolete. And no, the integrated Twitter search or the special Bing and Twitter site did not make up for it.

Hello??? The name of your search engine is “Bing”.

As in the happy noise my microwave makes when my food is done.

Why not wrap a campaign around something pleasant? Maybe say something less daft than that you’re a “decision engine”?

So to recap, when it comes to Bing:

I would not could not in a boat, I would not could not with a goat. I don’t like Bing or its plans, I do not like them, Sam my man.

(Apologies Dr. Suess, please don’t spin in your resting place.)

So you can imagine your shock when you find out that I am darn near giddy about their union with Yahoo.

Oh wait, I did that wrong. Because it says in the title…

Well, what would an article written by me be if you couldn’t laugh at my shenanigans at some point, amirite?

Anyway, to continue with my story, you read right. I am over the moon about the fact that Bing and Yahoo are joining forces There’s not much you can do to convince me that this isn’t fantastic news, even if they fail miserably.

These are my reasons.

1. Neither Yahoo or Bing were going to be any real competition to Google on their own. Not that I want Google to fall, as they aren’t hurting my life. But…
2. Even with only a combined 30% market share, over time they may become a real threat to Google at least in the area of search, which I hope will..
3. Focus more of Google’s energy back on where their strength is, indexing and organizing the… world. Yes, the world, not just search. The browser is okay, the idea of a Google OS is neat but Google’s really starting to feel like it’s spreading itself too thin to me. Competition with Microsoft from Anyone would be good, but only if they remain the best at search.
4. Even though I like Yahoo’s current results better, it says something to me that although I’ve done Nothing – not even the bare minimum – in promoting to Bing whatsoever, I’m already ranked well there are receiving more traffic from them than Yahoo. Which means, since I do the same things for my site that I teach, all my Evergreen folk should be getting the same results.
5. The Microsoft-Facebook alliance. I’m still in deep thought about how this is going to factor into the Bing deal, but no matter which way you imagine it, people who have leveraged Twitter and Facebook intelligently may have an upper hand with Bing, and perhaps with Google too, because…
6. Even though Bing’s execution of Twitter integration was weak at best, the fact that they did it at all speaks volumes. And so many areas are moving closer to real time search, that Bing’s move may force Google’s hand, and we could live in a world where….
7. There could be a head to head battle between Google and its social media allies against Bing and its social media allies. And if you’ve been brushing up on your social media involvement like I’ve been telling you to for the past two years? Will favor you as an aged entity, first mover, or simply already being in position to benefit.

I have a few more reasons, but on pain of death I can only reveal those to my Traffic Reality members this coming weekend. Sorry. )