People’s need to protect their own egos knows no bounds. They will lie, cheat, steal, kill, do whatever it takes to maintain what we call ego boundaries.

Dr. Andrew Samuels
Professor of Analytical Psychooogy, University of Essex

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Recently I wrote that there is only one true power of social media.

Before that I said that the simple secret to social media is understanding that it’s about relationships, and that fixing, founding or forgetting a relationship with solve the majority of problems you have with social media.

Actually that applies to just about any type of traffic generation you’re going to do, whether it’s foot traffic to a local restaruant, or online traffic to a website.

Now what does any of this have to do with egos?

We’ll come back to that in a minute. First, riddle me this.

Who is the most powerful person in a game where gaining approval is the ultimate goal?

photo credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com

Is it the person seeking approval?

Certainly not.

If you’re this person, you’re asking other people to give you their power (of approval), which puts you in the position of need. So you’re actually the weakest person in the game.

Is it the person giving approval?

Not if they can only give their own approval. This person is just one vote of approval in a sea of many.

Think about it – if I wasn’t an all-around traffic expert, published in reputable expert publications, or didn’t have traffic advice that consistently works, you wouldn’t care if I blogged about some new resource.

You’d be thinking so what, what does she know, why am I even here? As you’re probably thinking with anyone who touts themselves as an expert without establishing that it’s actually true first.

We’re skeptical, and we should be. Not everyone is honest in business, sadly. Not that I’m some paragon of virtue, I just like to save time, and honesty? HUGE time saver.

Which leads us to the two exceptions to this rule.

If that one person’s vote has more weight than others, they are more powerful than another person whose vote only has regular weight.

And if their vote influences others, they are more powerful by the factor at which their approval moves other people to action. We see the former in the case of super delegates. An example of the latter would be a celebrity endorsement of a product that increases sales.

So. What person is most powerful in a game based on approval?

It’s a person who can influence people to give their approval but does not need this approval themselves.

Here’s where all of the traffic and social media talk has to do with egos.

The social media world is based on the shifting of group approval. If you can predict or control the sway of a group’s approval, yes, you do have some power. But if you’re constantly spending the votes of the people you influence on your self, three things happen.

First, the group you’re interacting with catches on that you’re only interested in their approval so that you can get more approval. The more sophisticated your product or services are, the more sophisticated your audience is, and the faster they’ll catch on to this.

At that point, they stop listening. And you lose.

Second, you aren’t banking or growing your voting back account. It’s always depleted, and it’s always going to the same place.

Your investment isn’t growing. What could have been an asset is now a liability. You lose again.

Third, the influencers in your approval sphere eventually abandon you. Why should they wield their influence to assist you if you’re not wielding yours in reciprocation?

Losing the influence over the influence? All bad. Third time loser.

And why would we spend all that approval on ourselves? Many reasons – almost all of them lead back to the ego. By definition in our purposes: your consciousness of what your own identity is.

The ability to gain approval from others defines us as humans because we identify our egos as ourselves. If you think this isn’t you, consider the last time you tripped in public or said or did something embarrassing.

Think of the last time someone admitted they look up to you publicly. Remember what you did to get the last person you wanted to date to notice you. Consider what you’d do to get a new customer or client.

A huge percentage of our interactions with others has to do with gaining the approval of others. This carries over into our social media activity. We’re so much ego whether we like it or not.

(Which isn’t Actually your identity, but if you want to get into that discussion, go rent Revolver. Excellent thinking man’s action picture. If you don’t get it the first time, watch it again with the director’s commentary on.)

That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing to build up an influencer profile and then spend some of that influence on yourself, to spend it on clients now and again, or even to build one just for the sake of self importance. Not to do so would be like going into business with no intention of making a profit.

Sharing just because you care is great, but if you can personally gain from it sometimes, why not?

It’s just — that can’t be your sole point of doing it. It simply doesn’t work.

Now what happens if you are able to master your craving for power, and utilize social media without the constant need for approval.

Three things.

photo credit: Katayun

1- The group is naturally drawn to you. Ponder – do you do more business with the high-pressure salesperson more, or the person who helps you make an educated buying decision?

2- The approval you get becomes collectable. People start to follow you to see what you will suggest next that benefits or entertains them. You can get repeated votes from the same people. You wield influence. You can invest it, spend it or save it for later.

Kind of like currency.

3- You influence the influencers AS an influencer. Your clout increases expontially with each influencer who follows you. And instead of having mediocre results the one time you desire (rather than need) attention for a resource that is based in self-interest, the easier it is to get them to help you.

Now you know WHY you ought to master your social media ego.

Which leaves us with the question – how do you balance your specific selfish interests with your more social ones?

Simply take your ego out of the equation. You can do this by investigating what your own ego boundaries are, and adjusting them as necessary. You can give yourself some artificial ratio for promoting yourself (only once every 25 or 50 shares is a good target.)

Or you can just ask, with each time you use social media, who is going to have more short-term benefit from this? Me or the person reading this?

As often as possible, the answer should be, both.

photo credit: pbyrne

If you understand this, truly understand this, about social media, you’ll never be confused about how to benefit wildy from it.

Notice I didn’t just say “get traffic from it”.

The One and Only True Power of Social Media is that it is completely based on getting approval from others.

So to understand how to use that information, answer this question for yourself: in a situation where popularity is driven by approval, who is the most powerful person?

Hint: It’s not the person who Gets the most approval.

Ask me below and I’ll give you another hint. A big one. For free, but I will only deliver it in private. And if you guess correctly or figure it out, I’ll let you know that too.

Within the next seven days, I’ll write in public about the answer. You’ll have to figure out for yourself which writing is the answer though.